Disclaimer: These are vague “arguments” (that sometimes use faulty reasoning) in which I’ve created to justify my messy house. When people visit and complain about your messy house, just pull up one of these
excuses reasons (or make your own to fit your lifestyle). I would keep the list handy by the door, just in case you freeze and forget there’s a purpose for your madness.
1) Cleaning makes your children sick. Cleaning ruins your immune system. Yes, your immune system. The system that helps your body fight illnesses on its own. According to WebMD (my visiting Dr.), “When we overly sanitize infants’ environments to protect them from illness, we may instead be depriving them the opportunity to build a strong immune system.” So, my inference: cleaning ruins your children’s chance at a full and healthy lifestyle.
2) Cleaning can kill you. When you keep a clean house, you often become stressed when it is not up to par. Stress is the catalyst for many leading deadly diseases, including heart disease and cancer. If you don’t want to die, you can choose to not clean your house.
3) Your kids could go to jail. Cleaning takes time, time that you could be spending playing with your children. There is a direct link between ‘time’ and ‘crime’ and many studies show that parents who are involved in their child’s life have less of a chance to do drugs. What comes with drugs? Jail time. Simply put: play instead of clean, your kids’ futures depend on it.
4) Einstein said not to. Really, I mean it, he did, and I quote “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I’m almost positive Einstein wrote this with cleaning in mind because as I pick up toys, they are dumped back out. It would be insane of me to continue to pick them up since they reproduce. Don’t be insane.
5) Bankruptcy. You don’t get paid to clean (unless you are cleaning someone else’s house for a living… if that’s the case, ignore my list because you may lose your job if you follow my advice). You get paid when you work. Work instead of clean so you don’t lose your house- imagine the ironic headlines: Woman loses her house because she was so busy cleaning it that she forgot to go to work.
6) It makes you stupid. When you spend your time cleaning, you could be doing things that are of more importance to your brain, like reading. Choosing cleaning over reading will not only decrease your chances of becoming intelligent, the cleaning supplies often carry harsh chemicals that kill brain cells. I’d rather be smart.
7) Divorce. I’m sorry, but there are very few things my husband and I fight about. At the top of our list? Cleaning. The expectation for you and your partner to do their ‘fair share’ is too much pressure. If you would both agree to ixnay the cleaning, imagine how much smoother your marriage would be?*
*If you can’t get your spouse to agree to this new arrangement (assuming your spouse is a husband), explain that it would benefit your marriage all around (hint, hint) because you have more time for one another. If anything, this may be used as a bribe.